I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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