Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
