i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
