i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
