its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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