why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
