and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
