After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
