My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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