I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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