Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
soo... how was my night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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