Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
