I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
