I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
