I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
