Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
