I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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