I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
