You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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