I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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