the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
