grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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