I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
