it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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