i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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