jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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