hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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