He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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