Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize