Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
