I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
