Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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