she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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