just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
