How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
