naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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