Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
