Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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