He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
