if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
