Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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