My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
