what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
