margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
