don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
