Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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