Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
