Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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