yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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