Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
