I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
