I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
