Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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