I wish I only lived at night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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