with your own penis?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
