We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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