If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
be right there i have to get my cape
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
