So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
