margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize