Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
