maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
