loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
