I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
