imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
