I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
