The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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