my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
