Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
