she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize