Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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