You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize