She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
