Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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